Jeanne Tripplehorn 06.10.1963

Posts Tagged ‘working moms’

Stress Reduction Tip #1: It’s the Thoughts (& Actions) That Count With Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy

5.18.12

Our first stress reduction tip is brought to us by Daryaneh Badaly, a doctoral student, psychotherapist, and researcher at the University of Southern California (USC). She has worked in the Departments of Psychology and Neurology at USC, as well as at the Kedren Acute Psychiatric Hospital in Los Angeles, California.


Does this scenario sound familiar?

 

“Hi, Carrie. Were you able to finish Mr. McGuire’s report? The doctors need it for feedback.”

 

Oh my gosh! Was I supposed to be working on the McGuire report?!? I haven’t even finished with last week’s reports.

I’m too slow, I should be faster. I’ll bet that if I were younger I’d be sharper, quicker, and more able to focus. I don’t even know where I put the McGuire test results. Did I even test McGuire? I can’t even remember McGuire! If I say that I don’t remember testing McGuire, the doctor will just think I have finally lost it. He’ll stop referring patients to me and start complaining about me to the other doctors. And, then, gradually I’ll lose my practice.  Then, I’ll have to dip into the college fund to pay the mortgage. It’ll be my fault that the kids can’t go to college.  Argh!! I should have been putting more money in the college fund. I fail at being a mother.


“I don’t have those results. Are you sure that I tested McGuire?”

 

“Oh, you’re right. You don’t test him until next week.”

 

Carrie’s benign encounter with a co-worker stressed her out.  When her heart finally stopped racing, she felt exhausted and drained so (naturally) she dug out that bag of mini Snickers bars.

 

When watching someone else, it’s easy to see how anxiety is truly in the eye of the beholder. It’s not necessarily an event or a situation that causes anxiety, but rather our perception of the event – our thoughts and feelings that the event triggers.  Stress and anxiety are most often the product of us “should-ing” all over ourselves. Thinking that you should be working harder, doing better, or looking better can add up overtime resulting in high (and potentially fatal) levels of stress.  Of course, we need to learn to manage our stress. But how do we do it?  How do we turn off those worries when the hot flashes wake you up at 4am?

 

Through Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can learn tools and techniques to help you manage your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Although this can be done on your own, most people benefit from working with a therapist who can take an objective view of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If a therapist isn’t an option, chat it out with a friend (but keep in mind this won’t be totally objective). Many research studies have shown that CBT can effectively reduce stress, as well as anxiety, depression, and even menopause symptoms.

 

So, what’s CBT… really?


 

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is one approach to stress reduction. It focuses on the interaction between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The great thing about CBT is that making a change in any one of these three areas can elicit changes in the others. For example, changing the way you think about a situation can change how your feel and behave in that situation or others like it. When Carrie began thinking that she’s a bad mother, she could stop herself and reevaluate this thought. Is this really true? Isn’t there proof that she’s not a terrible mother? This can make her feel less anxious or disappointed in herself. It could also lead her to figure out a different way to manage her time. Changing a behavior, like Carrie taking a walk instead of downing that chocolate, could lead to more positive emotions and feelings about herself, especially since exercise can help your mood improve. Then her thoughts become less negative, and so on.

 

CBT is a form of psychotherapy, BUT it’s not like psychoanalysis, which can take years involves digging around into negative childhood experiences. CBT is different…

 

It’s usually limited to 12 to 16 sessions.

 

It’s goal-oriented and problem-focused, and emphasizes learning a variety of new skills.

 

Sessions are structured, and homework assignments are given between sessions so skills can be practiced in real-world situations.

 

 

The CBT approach typically focuses on teaching you how to:

 

Identify troubling situations, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In treatment, Carrie might be asked to log each time during the day during which she felt stressed, note where she was and what she was doing at the time, and record her thoughts. (You can use your handy spiral notebook for this!).

 

Manage your thoughts. Techniques such as “thought stopping” and “thought substitution” can help to keep negative thoughts from spiraling out-of-control.

 

Reevaluate the probability of a negative event actually happening. Carrie’s therapist might ask her to her to review the probability that doctors would stop referring patients to her.

 

Put things into perspective. Carrie’s therapist might also ask: “So what would happen if you had to cut back your practice?” Yes, this sounds scary but deep down, do you think you can survive this? Our bet is that the answer is yes.

 

Engage in relaxation techniques. For example, deep breathing exercises can dramatically diminish the physical side effects of stress (e.g., headaches and heart racing). Or, by taking a short walk after her encounter at work, Carrie might have been able to avoid those Snickers bars.

 

Reward yourself.


How do you find a therapist who offers CBT?


Finding a therapist can sometimes be tricky and may require some detective work on your part. A good place to start is asking for a referral from your primary care physician or specialist. This is probably the most common approach to therapist hunting, but keep in mind that your physician may just have a name of someone s/he met at a cocktail party, so there’s no quality guarantee here. Personal recommendations are probably better. Then there’s always your health insurance provider list, which will take some trial and error to find a good match for you, but it’s not impossible. Once you get a name, do some research. A simple Google search can get you a therapists training history. Once you make contact, ask about the therapist’s general therapeutic approach and if s/he does CBT. (We’ll have a post coming up with more tips on finding a therapist, so stay tuned!)

 

Read more about cognitive-behavioral therapy:


Online:

Mayo Clinic: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy

National Alliance on Mental Illness: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy

These resources are designed to provide background on what cognitive-behavioral therapy is, whom the treatment might be helpful for, and what you might expect from therapy sessions.


In Print:

The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns

Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky


Both of these books can be used alone or in conjunction with psychotherapy. They provide clear instructions for identifying and tracking your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, changing the thoughts that contribute to problems, and taking action to improve daily living and relationships.


Relationships: The Menopause Test

1.15.12

As you’ve probably figured out by now, menopause can wreak some serious havoc on your mind, body, and relationships. Which actually might not be such a bad thing. If this sound familiar to you, Dr. Hyman, a functional medicine expert known for the Ultra-wellness series and one of Dr. Ozs favorite guests, recommends that you take a peak at The Wisdom of Menopause, a menopause wellness guide by Christine Northrup, MD. One thing she points out is how a Menopaused Mind can actually offer you a creative and social renaissance!

 

 

Here’s an excerpt from Dr. Northrup’s book that Dr. Hyman highlights in his most recent post:

“It is no secret that relationship crises are a common side effect of menopause. Usually this is attributed to the crazy-making effects of the hormonal shifts occurring in a woman’s body at this time of transition. What is rarely acknowledged or understood is that as these hormone-driven changes affect the brain, they give a woman a sharper eye for inequity and injustice, and a voice that insists on speaking up about them. In other words, they uncover hidden wisdom—and the courage to voice it. As the vision-obscuring veil created by the hormones of reproduction begins to lift, a woman’s youthful fire and spirit are often rekindled, together with long-sublimated desires and creative drives. Midlife fuels those drives with a volcanic energy that demands an outlet.


“If it does not find an outlet—if the woman remains silent for the sake of keeping the peace at home or work, or if she holds herself back from pursuing her creative urges and desires—the result is equivalent to plugging the vent on a pressure cooker: Something has to give. Very often what gives is the woman’s health, and the result will be one or more of the “big three” diseases of postmenopausal women: heart disease, depression, and breast cancer. On the other hand, for those of us who choose to honor the body’s wisdom and to express what lies within us, it’s a good idea to get ready for some boat rocking, which may put long-established relationships in upheaval. Marriage is not immune to this effect.”


Check out the rest of Dr. Hyman’s post for Dr. Northrup’s tips on navigating those stormy social waters.

 


Memory Tip #4: Avoid Multitasking!

1.7.12

As the holidays approached, my girlfriend Tina began calling her cat Seymour. Her cat’s name is Garvey.  Seymour was the cat who lived next door many, many years ago. Tina wasn’t dementing. She wasn’t losing her memory. She was just another victim of Holiday Haze - a state of mind that occurs when you try to keep track of way too many things at one time and usually gets worse around the holidays.


Multitasking, keeping “too many balls in the air” or mental tracking (as psychologists call it), requires a great deal of attention and it’s exhausting. In fact, in terms of using up the brain’s energy, multitasking  is very expensive. Think about it this way: when you have a ton of programs running on your computer, it’s processing speed just isn’t as fast as when you’re only checking your e-mail.  Mental tracking is also a cognitive skill that declines dramatically with age. Hooray.

 

 

Unfortunately, we tend to beat ourselves up when we can’t manage everything as well as we  used to. Even though my gal pals now work full time, they’re still the ones who remain determined to create the perfect family holiday: festive decorations, yummy sweet treats, merry gatherings and thoughtful gifts for everyone. The need to recreate a 1950s vision of the holidays is probably nuts, but it seems that most moms suffer from this delusion. Mom may be the glue that holds the family together but she’s starting to melt!

 

 

So how do we avoid the overload of multitasking ? Here’s how:


1) Cut out anything superfluous. Learn to say “no” to commitments and delegate tasks to others. Acknowledge that you only have so much cognitive capacity and if  you commit to handling too much, you’re going to probably do a crummy job of it, or worse, drive yourself batty. Keep in mind that this will require some of us control freaks to get comfortable with others helping out and doing things their way. I know, perish the thought. But remember that this is all in the name of saving your brain. Trust us. Real Simple offers some great tips on how to politely say “no” to extra commitments.


2) Don’t try to juggle details or hold information in your mind, write it down, make a list, add it to your “log of the dayand then dismiss it. Keeping things off of your brain’s hard drive will allow it to run more efficiently.


3) Get organized! Don’t waste precious cognitive energy trying to retrace your steps to find those keys and that lost mitten. Organize your life so that it requires as little extra attention as possible.


4) Try to create a quiet, distraction free environment in which to work. Even something as simple as extraneous noise or voices drains attention.  In my office, voices permeate the walls.  I have found that a simple white noise machine or the background noise from a fan improves my concentration immensely.


5) Focus on one task at a time and finish it before moving on. Tell yourself that until you finish your task, you are not allowed to check your e-mail, answer the phone or roam the internet (yes, that includes Facebook).


Obviously, we can’t completely avoid multitasking, so here’s how you can perform your best while doing it:


1) Complete your multitasking  in the morning when you are fresh and rested. As the day progresses and you get fatigued, your skills will decline.


2) Eat a piece of fruit in the afternoon. The brain relies on glucose (sugar) and when glucose is depleted, attention skills suffer.  If you don’t have access to fresh fruit, keep prunes, raisins or cranberry juice on hand. Your attention should improve and you’ll be  getting those important antioxidents as well.


3) Avoid stress. Worries use up brain energy and diminish our ability to pay attention. (Yes, easier said than done, but we’ll be posting a list of some stress busters soon. Stay tuned!)


4) Avoid alcohol. Surprise, surprise: alcohol impairs our ability to perform tasks that require a lot of attention.  Now, before you throw your laptop across the room in protest, there’s good news: At the end of the day, when the multitasking demands are over, that one margarita may not be such a bad thing. In fact, in the long run, it might even improve your memory. Say what? Yes, you read that right! Cheers!

 

 

 

Memory Tip #2 Keep a Log of the Day

11.25.11

If you’re mind is gone, than you’ll need to find a substitute…and we’ve got one just for you!


Step 1: Get yourself a spiral bound notebook. Try to find one that fits in your bag or purse. (See below for suggestions)


Step 2: Open the first page of the notebook and write down today’s date.


Step 3: Log everything that happens. Note every phone call, every meeting, every conversation, every thought. Don’t answer the phone without a pen and your notebook in hand. Don’t grab for a sticky or a random piece of paper, you’ll just end up losing these. Write everything in your notebook even if it’s just a scribble.


Step 4: At the end of the day review your notes:

a) Put events on your calendar with address and directions

b) Add contacts to your iphone

c) Turn to a fresh page, put the next day’s date at the top and create a “To Do”  list

 

Sample Log of the Day:

 

Finding the Right Notebook:

You’ll be using this notebook everyday so it helps to choose one that will withstand some wear & tear and one that you enjoy using, be it because of the paper quality, utility features (e.g. pockets), or simply because it’s pretty. Here are some suggestions:


 

Project Planner: This is a notebook with your typical lined pages, but with added sections for lists.

Cambridge Project Planner Notebook, $9.99, Staples.

 

 

Pretty Notebooks: If you like looking at something, chances are you’ll use it more than if you don’t. There are so many pretty notebooks available these days, there’s no need to settle for those boring notebooks from elementary school are a thing of the past.


Jonathan Adler Notebooks with Pockets, $9.99, Barnes & Noble.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vera Bradley Notebooks with Pockets, $10-16.

 

 

 

 

For a fun twist on an old classic, these notebooks are made from vintage books, including novels, text books, and children’s books. Ex Libris Anonymous, $14.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notebooks with Pen Holders: Don’t waste time searching through your black hole of a bag for a pen. Get a notebook with a pen already attached. Or you can buy pockets and pen holders for the notebooks you already own. Page Pockets & Pen Loop, $3.99-4.99, The Container Store.

 

 


Going Back-to-Work? Think BIG: A business support network for women

6.8.10

Tara Gilvar and Becky Hull of B.I.G.

Now that your children are older,  are you thinking about going back to work or changing your career? This can be a scary time and feeling like your mind has turned to mush doesn’t help. Watching my girlfriends struggle through this process I realized how much easier it was for them if they had a girlfriend to act as a colleague or mentor –  to give them encouragement, support, ideas or a kick in the butt as needed.

Luckily a group of smart, talented and motivated women created B.I.G “a business support, education and networking organization for women.” B.I.G has become a ”growing community of intelligent, creative and entrepreneurial women who want to share their business ideas and build upon their dreams.”

B.I.G is based on the concept of believing (B) in each other, inspiring (I) each other with support and confidence and helping each other grow (G) ideas and businesses.


Rebecca (Becky) Hull, a founding member of the group, explained, “As women, we become each other’s support group. We understand each other’s challenges as we try to fit what could be a 24-hour work day into a manageable life/work balance scenario.”

B.I.G. currently has communities in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and Massachusetts with interest from women in Illinois, California and Ohio. They are looking for strong leaders who want to establish B.I.G in their own town.

Check out their website to learn more and see if they have a community near you http://www.justthinkbig.us